Are you unintentionally blocking true connections?

In order to help you get better at connecting (and creating meaningful connections - with less effort), I regularly interview, read and connect with those in the know. By learning from experts who have dedicated their lives to understanding relationships and human behaviour, we can unlock practical ways to connect with less effort while creating and nurturing relationships that truly matter.

One important insight stands out among the research and conversations with psychologists and writers: how we show up in situations significantly affects the depth of the connections we form. Are we open? Accessible? Vulnerable? These elements are the levers that influence whether our interactions lead to genuine understanding or feel like a missed connection.

Presence matters more than perfection

Imagine meeting up with a new colleague or acquaintance. A friendly chat is a great starting point, but the outcome depends heavily on how we approach that conversation. If we focus solely on showcasing our accomplishments and surface-level highlights ("I’m great! Work is great! Life is perfect!"), we may unintentionally create distance.

Why? Because it leaves little room for the other person to feel they have anything valuable to contribute to the interaction. This one-sided dynamic might unintentionally come across as “greatness on display” rather than creating mutual engagement.

The power of listening... and... sharing your story

Now, flip the script. Becoming a great listener, someone who genuinely tunes in, asks insightful questions, and shows sincere interest, is an excellent way to nurture a bond. When someone feels genuinely seen and heard, it creates that unmistakable sense of connection.

But here’s where many of us, especially the natural listeners or empaths, may falter. Listening is crucial, yes, but connection is a two-way street. If we avoid opening up ourselves, if we withhold our challenges, struggles, or vulnerable truths, we risk limiting the emotional depth of the connection. While it may come from a well-intentioned desire not to “burden” others, holding back too much can create subtle walls, preventing a relationship from reaching its full potential. Believe me - I recognize this fault line and need to learn to share my story openly - people are interested and ready and willing to listen (and help!)

A gentle give and take

Authentic connection is about balance. It’s giving others the space to share their story and being open to receive their insights or perspectives. But it also means allowing others into your world, not just the polished highlights but the honest, unfiltered, nitty gritty parts as well (besides to be honest we all love a bit of nitty gritty - the added colour and shades to a story). Sharing your insecurities or vulnerabilities doesn’t weaken you; it builds trust and encourages reciprocity. It’s in these moments of openness that friendships grow stronger, collaborations deepen, and yes, even big love stories are born.

The bottom line - our top tips

If you want to build genuine, lasting connections, you need to do more than just listen. Our top tips are:

1. Open the door to your own world and show the parts of you that make you human. When you share your doubts, insecurities, and challenges, you allow others to understand you fully.

2. Authentic exchanges are the foundation of great relationships, whether they’re professional, personal, or romantic.

3. Give yourself permission to be seen. Because, ultimately, the relationships that nourish us most are the ones where we’re unafraid to truly show up.