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10 Tips to build meaningful connections that truly last - and faster than you think

Writer's picture: Georgina SmithGeorgina Smith

Updated: Jan 29

Today in bustling cities making new friends in a place where everyone seems so terribly busy - has become incredibly daunting. Knowing where and how to start is tricky - choosing where to start is a game in itself. It's again backed by our own preconceived ideas - what does this say about me?


What's more in January the FT reported there is a global recession in relationships. 

A Global One. And as you can the FT did a superb job as its backed by tremendous amounts of data (from across the globe). It's fair to say it's pretty robust.


There is one leading, resounding and deafening trend: smartphones, increased use of social media, the upward advancement of female empowerment, are all contributing to the deep global recession in relationships. 


PLUS, we have to admit, the conversations and interactions between men and women (that don't know each other - or perhaps they do) need to be once again normalised. Not the: he vs she; less expectations on both sides on dating apps; equality that swings both ways through natural social, live and fun networking. The normalisation that intimacy actually means true intimacy, one that is not compared to what it is 'should be' on social media, on porn or uploaded to OnlyFans.


Yet, let's get back to the matter at heart:

You've decided you want to expand your social circle - and perhaps you wish to speed it up, gamify it a little - to guarantee your time and effort pays off. 

Yet this is how it's currently working:

  • You are constantly switching between deciding whether it's going to be alcohol lead, sports lead, work lead, through dates, through other friends, a workshop or via a new (undetermined) hobby...

  • Meaning your efforts are scattered and fragmented and you feel you're having very little success at creating new and meaningful connections that lead to quality acquaintances, friendships and / or relationships...

  • You return to your safe house and safer habits - keeping your world small.


10 tips to guarantee greater success of creating meaningful connections - faster

Yet whatever activity you choose, once you get there, understanding how you can get better at building deeper connections, ensures your efforts pay off... far quicker. 


We researched some tips for you. They are of course backed by scientific and world class research. For this, we would like to acknowledge and thank Dr Marisa G. Franco and all her hard work. Without her years of dedication and research around this very topic, we simply would not have the scientific insight on what you or I need to do better to create lasting and meaningful relationships (and improve your success once you find people that you genuinely want to bring into your circle).


Below, we have summarised some of her advice and insight for you.


First of all, let's understand the science and where we're at in terms of 'community'. Why having a thriving social network is as important as a balanced diet, a robust fitness regime and a healthy bank account.


What the science states is - creating a diverse, socially integrated network, will not only bring quality relationships into your life, it will make you far happier and healthier. Those with a large social network, and sense of community reduce their mortality risk by 45%!!! So it needs real work to keep it alive and thriving, yet the benefits are always guaranteed to

pay off.


You are not alone in thinking you're the 'only one'  

What's more, we are all individually swimming against a changing tide: compared to 30 years ago, friendship networks have actually decreased 4 times for women and 5 times for men. So, believe us when we say, it's not an 'individual personality thing// oh poor me thing// why me'.


 At the moment, our cities, our work-life are not designed to help you actively build your and top up your social network.

In the last years, as we all know, our normal institutional structures have changed: marriage, work structures (remote work and frequent job changes), family structures etc, housing with the change in the mix of long term homeowners, renters, that in global cities have been switched up with AirBnB models. The digitalization of our lives from shopping to the gym. Your valuable and flexible ClassPass that you enjoy, gives you access to thousands of places across the city, will in fact reduce your chances of connecting - as your chances of seeing the same people regularly is now fractionalised.


These combined changes impact how we organically and naturally build and keep refreshing our social networks. We are all swimming against the tide so to speak, so this is going to make it harder for everyone.


Take note of these 10 tips and you are guaranteed to succeed in creating meaningful connections faster - with greater success


  1. First of all if you believe friendships should happen without effort and organically - you'll in fact be far lonelier in 5 years time. Friendships take effort (and vulnerability is key - sharing equally our human messiness makes you more human and likeable!)

  2. Forget this Myth: you either click or you don't. It's nonsense. Sure chemistry between people is important yet it can also lead you astray. What we're trying to do is help you create a broad and integrated social network so there is a broad and deeper network of support, laughter, new adventures and possibilites that are right for you

  3. The Liking Gap - people underestimate how much people, even strangers, actually like them. Assume people like you more than you think (this will help you to connect and also re-connect)

  4. Be aware of your Rejection Sensitivity - i.e. When we think we may be rejected (by someone), we in fact increase our chances of being rejected, as we end up subconsciously rejecting people (see below as to why)

  5. Acceptance Prophecy - assume people will like you, this helps you come across as more approachable, friendlier, warmer and open to an exchange

  6. Overt/ Covert Avoidance: meaning YES! simply accept that initially there will be social awkwardness in most new situations AND when you're with people: SHOW UP,  don't check out by being distracted by your phone or being half engaged in a conversation...

  7. The Beautiful Mess Effect - it doesn't mean creating drama wherever you go, it means being open to share your deeper thoughts and vulnerabilities and connecting on a more meaningful level. It helps build trust and understanding.

  8. Exposure: means meeting someone once is not enough. Meeting many times means new people become more familiar to us and this increases 'likeness and familiarity' on both sides

  9. Try something for 2-3 months before switching. You also need to get used to a new environment. You also need to become comfortable and that takes time / familiarity with how 'a new set-up' works. Going once to an 'event' and not returning, increases your failure rate and will impact your self-esteem and confidence

  10. Affection predicts friendships - this means how you treat people pays off: giving compliments, affirmations, listening, turning up in key moments (for the highs and the lows), initiating contact, making them feel they matter - all will have a huge impact on the quality of your friendships (and yes relationships) you'll bring into your life.

Just remember, these tips and tiny changes can change the course of your life. New connections, new friends promise to bring you new possibilities and different paths (and you for them of course!).


We also wish to encourage you to join our dinners at Share-A-Table and practice these tips! As practice makes perfect ;0!!

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