Online dating requires 22hrs of messaging before meeting in person and is so fraught with poor communication, misunderstandings, and unsatisfactory outcomes that many of us are abandoning it entirely for in person 'softer' alternatives
My single friends and dinner guests (Share members) often talk, joke, complain about why dating apps and online communication in general has become unbearably horrendous. Yet from all sides of the table, provide great and tantalizing bites to share.
Yet what the hell happened?
The dating app creators wanted to empower us with exciting encounters, meaningful connections, even a serious relationship - ultimately so we could all thrive - locally (within a 2-5km radius) ...
Yet today, too often mature, grown adults, successful and educated ones feel diminished by dating apps. So I reached out to a human specialist, a Carl Jungian analyst and Psychotherapist Nancy Cook, PhD, PsyD with her 28 years as a full time psychotherapist was great, I felt I could spend hours talking about it and immediate felt assured by her expertise and insight...
'I hear hundreds of stories of how hard online dating, including internet communications and social media exchanges, are for people -- people of all ages, and men and women! And my training as a clinical psychologist / Jungian analyst helps me and us understand why.Even the most self-assured confident happy real life grown up gets surprised by how immature and easily hurt and humiliated they can feel while online dating. It's like their most vulnerable and still insecure teenage self is taking over. It's because when we aren't in the actual physical presence of someone, we are only in our thoughts and imagination. We aren't getting all the normal feedback cues from the other person that reflect back to us the true situation -- eg, that person's mood, reactions to what we say, a million things. We need that information to understand the other, AND to stay grounded in ourselves. Online, we're sort of floating as it were -- we lose some of our normal 'sense of self.' The result is that all the old parts of ourselves, like where we were ever hurt by someone, come out of our unconscious and affect us.
The experience of dinners at Share-A-Table (even with a group of strangers), means we have a far greater chance of meeting and connecting as our confident, self-assured and happier selves than we will online. The in-person interaction, such as a dinner, makes this all much easier and possible. While we can't promise you'll meet a 'date' - we believe it's always possible. Why? Because this is how it used to be...
What we do promise is that by regularly eating out with others, you'll begin to thrive again and simply feel you're confident, adult and successful self. Each and every time!
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